In Between

A meal shared with the family. Quality time with loved ones. Bonding with friends. Really, how can we have all this time and still feel like we haven’t done anything much?

One time I told myself, I’d like to learn French and Japanese, but only to start 3 years later. I would often ask myself, what happened in between?

There are some days which I feel will never end, and reaching the next day seems to be forever. But looking back, sometimes a year would make you feel like it was just yesterday.

5 years ago, I went through a horrible breakup and thought everything would go down from there. Only to meet the love of my life 2 years later. The funny thing is, you go through hell and all of a sudden you are as thick as wood once again. But really, what keeps us going? As a coffee commercial would say, “para kanino ka bumabangon?”

I believe it’s our dreams. Not just simple dreams but Big Dreams that keep us going. I failed a lot of times in life. I envy those people who commit to not failing or say failing is not an option. Failing should never be an option, what if it happens?

I don’t want to say that everything will be fine. It might be, eventually. But while you are still on stage, feel every moment of it. Feel that you are just a human and that sometimes it’s not always about winning the moment, of getting a crown and a trophy. I bet most of the time, life is about those moments you cried and thought that it is no longer worth living for.

Yet, you live the in-between.

2012 on my watch!

Recalling my 2012 is like a roller coaster full of twists and turns and ups and downs and I must say that I experienced the best and the worst 2012 could offer but needless to say I believe I’m still blessed.

2012 taught me a lot. It was a smooth sail from January to May and a downpour by July to September and I believe that it is a climb up by October to December. Life is filled with surprises and it’s clearer through a timeline. Go and make one for yourself. List the highlights of your year whether it is good or bad, it doesn’t matter.  I always draw a timeline whenever I have spare time and I always like to take time to ponder on it especially when I’m down just to remind myself that every after a trough follows a climbing peak. Well, I believe 2012 taught me about defeat, acceptance and never giving up and let’s not forget another important thing: believing to yourself. Yes, I was a pessimist. Everyone who knows me knows that I like to doubt my self a lot and instead of reminding myself that I can do it, I tell myself that I am not good enough and it will always end that way = Things will end up bad and I think I’m so right that I’m not good enough. Lesson: Never ever doubt yourself ever again.

During 2012, I was amazed by how many different kind of books I was able to finish. From self help- Joyce Meyer, Scott Kelby, Joshua Harris, Michelle Hammond books to Yann Martel, Cecelia Ahern , Daniel Handler  and even summit mini  book novels.  To tell you the truth, I used to finish 3 non-academic related books for every year in the past and magazines that I like, well, I still hoard magazines and I even buy back issues. Well this year was my first time to finish 15 books not including books which are required during the review, Magazines (RD, cosmo, also I like the Mabuhay and Smile Thanks to PAL and Cebu Pac) and does Flipboard counts? HAHA. So I am amazed! Lesson: Uhmm continue widening your knowledge?

2012- I also got attached with the characters and went gaga over watching  series. The death of Lexie Grey and Mark Sloane gave me moments of tears and more like mild depression (kidding) but yes it really made me sad. On the other hand, I kind of  fell in love with Harvey Specter’s suave character in the series Suits. Klaus of Vampire diaries is also one of my crushes right now because of his sexy accent. I guess. Also a I’m crazy about Daniel Grayson smile  in Revenge and Jon Snow’s super manly yet gentle in a way character in Game of Thrones. Meanwhile, we can never avoid the characters that we hate the most. I can’t even explain how much I loathe Toby Cavanaugh in Pretty Little Liars now but still I watch it because of the four IT girls’ fashion statements and let’s not forget  Dearie (Mr. Gold) in Once upon a time who has a resemblance with my grandfather (Tatay Emil) I like him so much. I am amazed on how well he played Ramputiltskin and Mr. Gold, I can imagine my Grandfather saying dearie. lol.

Good thing Walking dead took a season break and so with Revenge and as always every after a serious series, I watch something  feel good ; Bigbang Theory, New girl or How I met your Mother.  It excites me how much every week gives me a lot of something to look forward to especially after me and boyfriend broke up. Uh oh! Moving on, I still hope I could still watch those series next year especially that I’m back to being busy and will no longer have enough time for all of them. How Sad 😦 Don’t worry dear tv shows I will try my best to make time for you, but even if I will no longer be able to see you every week I promise to watch even after the season has ended. Lesson: hmmm Seize the Moment? lol

Honestly, I’ve been quiet about  me taking the board exams. I tried my best to keep it. Well, except to the people closest to me. Truth is, it is the self-doubting-play-safe part of me who wanted to keep it that way. So people wouldn’t expect much?  Well to be honest, this year I took the courage to try it and when life gave me some sudden twirls which is more like a tsunami for me to handle, I was easily shaken and slowly I drifted until all that was left of me are smoke of dust disappearing in the air, suddenly I was lost and as I was saying awhile ago, I never believe myself that I will make it.

During the rocky moments, as I was facing the stress of the boards I was also trying to cope with life sudden turn of events. The Break Up. I tried. well, it wasn’t good enough. Ok let’s just proceed with the lesson: Odds are inevitable try best not to be shaken easily and handle pressure positively and with grace. Next time that I consider taking the boards again do it for the right reasons and with all my heart so when life gives me tsunami like twirls again, I’m ready to face it. :0

FEAST PICC. I am now a regular attendee of the Feast PICC (insert tagline: the Happiest place on earth). I made it a habit to attend feast as much as possible. During college I really enjoyed worship nights and prayer meetings in UST-YFC so it is a great thing to find another haven to exercise my faith aside from my continuous devotion to St. Claire and St. Jude and yes my weekly spiritual nourishment is enough to get me through the week most especially during the darkest hours of my 2012. More so, I really love the preachers, Bro Bo Sanchez and Bro. Alvin Barcelona and before Feast PICC I also attended in Feast Manila with Bro Obet Cabrillas. I’m happy that my aunt Ma San awakened that Marian part of me. Lesson: always make time for Him.

First time to Climb a Legit Mountain. One of my blogs in November talked about my climb in Mt. Pico De Loro with Yayi. It was a great experience and we both are newbies. I really enjoyed it even after the climb which gave me days of body pain. Lesson: Always try something new. YOLO!

2012 I became a mommy to a beagle. Yay! Lesson: Do job as a mom and train him to bark with poise. lol


Oh well, I’m lazy now. Lesson: Run. Jog. Walk. Crawl whatever it is. Finish what you started. 🙂

Let me conclude this by showing you the timeline of my 2012:

1 – saddest 10-happiest



2012.Last August I wrote the series of unfortunate events of my life. I was so broken. My heart was crushed and the pieces of it doesn’t seem like a jagged puzzle but a fine dust and dirt which glue isn’t even an option anymore. only GOD.

Lesson: Next time, Know well the person you will give your trust and you will give your heart.